Vol 38: Issue 29

News, News In Brief

Fake-A-Wish Foundation Introduces Dying Child To Brett Favre Lookalike
Infographic, News

The West Nile Virus
Local

8-Month-Old Sick Of Staring At Pooh's Smug Face All Day
Politics

Millionaire Vows To Do For Government What He Did For Turkey Ranches
Entertainment, Time Killers

How Are We Justifying Our Behavior?
Local

American Teen Somehow Developing Unhealthy Attitude Toward Sex
Politics

Lie-Detector Tests For Congress
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of February 14, 2002
News, News In Brief

Nation's Economic Recovery Hinging On Success Of Diet Vanilla Coke
News, News In Brief

Sixth-Grader's Family Tree Fails To Hold Up To Scrutiny
News, News In Photos

Buddy System Responsible For Additional Death
News, News In Brief

Woman With Shitty Job Her Own Boss
News, News In Brief

Pope Wins Host-Eating Contest
Dispatch, News

Police Interruption Hastily Written Into Student Film
Commentary, Opinion

Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver
Commentary, Opinion

Don't Tell Me You've Never Wondered What Yoda's Penis Looks Like

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.