Vol 37: Issue 37

News, News In Brief

Manager Hates To See You Go
News, News In Brief

Amsterdam Tourist Can't Find 'Kind Bud' In Phrasebook
News, News In Brief

Monkfish Wishes Monkfish Weren't All The Rage
Entertainment

NBC To Add Dateline: Flursday
Local

Woman With Sore Throat Thinks It Might Be Anthrax
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of October 17, 2001
Local

Dad Immediately Hands Phone To Mom
Entertainment

Rush Limbaugh's Love Affair With Sound Of Own Voice Comes To Sad End
Local

Marital Frustrations Channeled Through Thermostat
American Voices, Opinion

Anthrax Hits The U.S.
Sports

Walking Sports Database Scorns Walking Sci-Fi Database
News, News In Photos

New 'Toastables' Offers Microwavable Pre-Toasted Bread
Dispatch, News

Fourth-Graders' Button-Making-Machine Privileges Suspended Indefinitely
Entertainment, Time Killers

Whom Are We Imagining Naked?
Dispatch, News

Bob Hope Not Told About War
Commentary, Opinion

I'm Refreshingly Naïve!
Infographic, News

Post-Sept. 11 Changes

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.

Vol 37: Issue 37

Manager Hates To See You Go

Amsterdam Tourist Can't Find 'Kind Bud' In Phrasebook

Monkfish Wishes Monkfish Weren't All The Rage

NBC To Add Dateline: Flursday

Woman With Sore Throat Thinks It Might Be Anthrax

Horoscope for the week of October 17, 2001

Dad Immediately Hands Phone To Mom

Rush Limbaugh's Love Affair With Sound Of Own Voice Comes To Sad End

Marital Frustrations Channeled Through Thermostat

Anthrax Hits The U.S.

Walking Sports Database Scorns Walking Sci-Fi Database

New 'Toastables' Offers Microwavable Pre-Toasted Bread

Fourth-Graders' Button-Making-Machine Privileges Suspended Indefinitely

Whom Are We Imagining Naked?

Bob Hope Not Told About War

I'm Refreshingly Naïve!

Post-Sept. 11 Changes

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Sections

Explore