Vol 35: Issue 2

Politics

Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq
Local

SWM May Have Lied About Liking Sunsets, Long Walks
Dispatch, News

Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption
Entertainment

Newest Baywatch Cast Member Kicks It With Byron Allen
News, News In Brief

Lone Geek Sits Off By Self Reading The Silmarillion Throughout Recess
Local

Yeah, Area Man Is Drunk… So?
Politics

Slightly Larger Chair Shifts Delicate Balance Of Office Power
Local

Man At Adjacent Urinal Pretends To Look Straight Ahead
Commentary, Opinion

I Hate My Next-Door Neighbors
Entertainment

Hipping Up The Grammys
American Voices, Opinion

The Global-Warming Crisis
News, News In Photos

Police Homicide Investigation Uncovers Cap In Ass
Entertainment, Time Killers

Why Are We Divorcing?
News, News In Photos

The American Dream: What Does That Part About Kissing The Gym Teacher Mean?
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of January 20, 1999
Dispatch, News

Long-Awaited Baby Boomer Die-Off To Begin Soon, Experts Say
Commentary, Opinion

Satisfaction Guaranteed

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.

Vol 35: Issue 2

Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq

SWM May Have Lied About Liking Sunsets, Long Walks

Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption

Newest Baywatch Cast Member Kicks It With Byron Allen

Lone Geek Sits Off By Self Reading The Silmarillion Throughout Recess

Yeah, Area Man Is Drunk… So?

Slightly Larger Chair Shifts Delicate Balance Of Office Power

Man At Adjacent Urinal Pretends To Look Straight Ahead

I Hate My Next-Door Neighbors

Hipping Up The Grammys

The Global-Warming Crisis

Police Homicide Investigation Uncovers Cap In Ass

Why Are We Divorcing?

The American Dream: What Does That Part About Kissing The Gym Teacher Mean?

Horoscope for the week of January 20, 1999

Long-Awaited Baby Boomer Die-Off To Begin Soon, Experts Say

Satisfaction Guaranteed

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Sections

Explore