Supreme Court Upholds Voting Rights Law As Cover For What Comes Next

WASHINGTON—In what seemed like a surprisingly progressive 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court upheld a voting rights law Thursday as a cover for what comes next. “Striking down the Republican-drawn congressional maps that discriminate against Black voters is nothing but a smokescreen for what shall arise soon,” said Chief Justice John Roberts, explaining that the court’s decision that Alabama must redraw maps of seven congressional districts that heavily favor Republicans was all a part of their plan to make centrists drop their guard before carrying out the next steps. “This reaffirmation of the Voting Rights Act may seem good on the surface, but believe me, it’s all leading to something far more inauspicious. It’s just the carrot before the stick, so buckle up, because it’s coming whether you like it or not.” At press time, Roberts began cackling when he saw that the Supreme Court would be hearing arguments on a case involving privacy next.