Supreme Court Justices Sheepishly Admit All Of Their Spouses Attended Jan. 6 Riot

WASHINGTON—Shrugging as they revealed that every one of their husbands and wives had participated, the justices of the U.S. Supreme Court sheepishly admitted Tuesday that not only Ginni Thomas, but all of their spouses had attended the Jan. 6 riot. “Well, yeah, if you really need to know, my wife Joanna was at the insurrection, and so were Jane, Martha-Ann, Louise, Ashley, and Jesse,” said Associate Justice Stephen Breyer, adding that most of the spouses had left the rally before participants stormed the Capitol and threatened to execute the vice president. “I know people are criticizing Clarence and Ginni for this, but it’s not the biggest deal in the world, is it? Our spouses don’t get to spend much time together, they thought a ‘Save America’ rally sounded like a fun outing, and they stuck around to hear why they should—or should not—violently overturn the election for Donald Trump.” Breyer went on to emphasize that it was only his own wife, Jane Roberts, and Louise Gorsuch who had even thought to bring pipe bombs to the event.