Supporters Waltz With Cutouts Of Biden, Harris During Socially Distanced Inaugural Ball

WASHINGTON—Paying $10,000 a ticket to participate in the festivities, wealthy Biden supporters waltzed with cardboard cutouts of the president and Vice President Kamala Harris Wednesday during the socially distanced inaugural ball. “It’s great to still be able to celebrate this historic day despite Covid restrictions,” said Maxwell Hines, one of Biden’s many affluent donors who all received identical cutouts of the nation’s new leaders to twirl around and toast with champagne in the comfort of their own homes. “Just because there’s a pandemic going on doesn’t mean we can’t throw on some music and dance the night away. Sure, it doesn’t have all the glitz and glamor of the real thing, but I’m getting way more one-on-one time with the president than I normally would.” At press time, a drunk Hines was arguing with his Biden cutout when the president seemed uninterested in his corporate tax concerns.