Study Finds Average American Considers Biting Stranger 3 Times A Day

WASHINGTON—According to the results of a new study released Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, the average American considers biting a stranger three times a day. “We found that nearly 90% of American adults experience the uncontrollable urge to sink their teeth into the leg, arm, or face of a person they do not know an average of three times per day,” said lead researcher Raymond M. Earley, who noted that regardless of their age, race, gender, household income, or political party affiliation, the vast majority of Americans longed to discover what physical damage they were capable of inflicting on another’s flesh using nothing but their bite force. “These thoughts most regularly occur in crowded public places such as on the bus or at a church service, though plenty of Americans also reported they occasionally ponder showing up on a stranger’s porch in the middle night and giving them a big chomp the second they open the door. Ten percent of Americans consider nipping off a piece of a stranger’s finger daily, and nearly a quarter of those surveyed envisioned themselves lunging and ripping out someone’s jugular nearly 24/7.” At press time, Earley added that only 45% of Americans ever acted on their urge.