Study Finds 99% Won’t Repost This, But If You Cared Enough To Read To The End, Please Share

CHICAGO—Urging readers to spread the message to friends and loved ones, a new study released Wednesday from the Zwiebel Center for Media Studies stressed that 99% won’t repost this article, but if you cared enough to read to the end, please share. “Incredibly, the vast majority of social media users will simply scroll past this headline without giving a second thought to the article itself, but for those small fraction who have gotten this far, we urge you to email its profound message to your coworkers and family members,” said study author Dr. Jerome Zhang, adding that those who have enough love in their hearts to continue reading should share the story’s link on Twitter or Facebook and emphasize to their followers the importance of reading it through to the very end. “We’re begging you to avoid the temptation to click away. Let me assure you that the second half of this article will shock you and those who read it to the last sentence will be left in tears. That’s why it’s absolutely vital that you forward this to every person in your contacts who you believe can understand its true significance. It’s the single best way to guarantee that its crucial message is heard.” At press time, the study added that only deeply generous individuals—those remarkable few like yourself—would even make it to this story’s final word.