,

Studio Ghibli Theme Park Opening Delayed After Construction Site Overrun With Curious Forest Sprites

NAGAKUTE CITY, JAPAN—Unable to prevent the small glowing forms from swarming around their equipment, developers announced Thursday that they had been forced to delay the planned opening of the Studio Ghibli theme park after curious forest sprites had overrun the construction site. “We need to raze this grove of trees to make room for the Howl’s Moving Castle reproduction but they just won’t budge,” said developer Yuito Tanaka of the sprites, widely considered to be the sign of a healthy forest, as they crowded around bulldozers and backhoes to chitter and smile at the construction crew. “We scared them off for a couple days when we started digging the foundation for the Spirited Away coaster, but before long they were back again. We’ve tried shooing them away, spraying them with insecticide, everything, but they just won’t take a hint.” At press time, Tanaka confirmed that construction was back on schedule after a team of workers successfully cut off the head of the ancient Deer God who served as protector of the surrounding woods.




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper