Struggling Company Rebrands As Good

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Announcing a major departure from its long history as an unsuccessful enterprise, struggling cosmetics company Serendipity Beauty Emporium rebranded Monday as good. “For years, the story of our company has been one of struggle, but today we are rewriting that narrative and making it all about how our company is doing really well,” said CEO Ted Dempsey, explaining that extensive in-house research showed potential investors in Serendipity Beauty Emporium would overwhelmingly prefer it be a successful company rather than one that is not very successful at all. “While we know our current financials and customer experience suggest things are going quite badly for us, this rebranding campaign turns that around 180 degrees and says, ‘No, things are good.’ We’re saying, ‘Take everything you’ve heard about our company and throw it out the window, because frankly, we don’t know how else we’re going to raise the capital we need to cover our operating expenses for the rest of the month.’” At press time, the business announced a plan to pivot from being bankrupt to being a highly profitable Fortune 500 company.