Speakeasy Patrons Apparently Unaware It Legal To Go To Regular Bars Again

DENVER—Seemingly oblivious to the fact that Prohibition had ended roughly 85 years ago, a group of patrons attending a speakeasy Friday were apparently unaware that it is legal to go to regular bars again. “I guess they still haven’t realized that they don’t need to sneak around to buy alcohol, or go to a place with a weird side entrance to evade the police,” said local resident Jeremy Reynolds, standing dumbfounded as he watched the five friends—who must believe that the year was still 1920—skulk to the side of a building, utter a password to a bouncer, and then giddily rush inside a secret door. “Oh man, if they haven’t heard yet, someone should probably tell them that they can go to bars out in the open and not get arrested for violating dry laws. I bet they don’t think beer or wine is legal either? Jeez, they’re in for a real shocker when they find out that they don’t have to order moonshine cocktails anymore.” At press time, Reynolds had begun second-guessing himself after police flooded into the speakeasy and started arresting the clientele.