Southwest Still Experiencing Delays After Not Enough People Believe In Power Of Flight To Get Plane To Take Off

DALLAS, TX—Following a weekend that saw record cancellations for North America’s third largest passenger carrier, Southwest Airlines was reportedly still experiencing heavy delays Wednesday after not enough people believed in the power of flight to get their planes to take off. “We apologize for the continued troubles resulting from having too few passengers overflowing with the childlike wonder necessary to hold the plane aloft in defiance of physics and common sense,” said CEO Gary Kelly, confirming that dozens of aircraft had spent hours circling the tarmac in an attempt to rise, only to be stymied by Americans’ increasingly cynical and hardhearted nature. “Unfortunately, these delays are going to continue for the foreseeable future unless everyone within the sound of my voice claps their hands and declares, ‘I do believe in airplanes, I do, I do!’” At press time, Kelly cautioned that if even one American didn’t keep the power of flight alive in their hearts, the entire fleet of aircraft could explode on takeoff.