Sotheby’s Auctions Off Date With T. Rex Skeleton

NEW YORK—Informing the bustling crowd it was time to bid on the night’s big-ticket item, Sotheby’s officials announced Tuesday the auctioning off of a rare date with a T. rex skeleton. “Up next, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, one fabulous night for two out on the town with this handsome, enchanting—and might I add, single—T. rex skeleton,” said the auctioneer, gesturing to the 10-foot-tall, 32-foot-long theropod remains, adding that the late Cretaceous period bachelor was “a western North American native who prefers quiet romantic evenings in with a certain special someone,” which sparked a record-breaking bidding war among several wealthy suitors who were fanning themselves with their auction paddles. “This is the first specimen of its kind available for private entertainment, which includes a bouquet of 300 romantic red roses, a candlelit dinner at Jean-Georges, and a vintage bottle of Dom Pérignon to enjoy with the skeleton of this rare species of dinosaur on an intimate carriage ride through Central Park. A sizable theropod and perfect gentleman, this T. rex will make sure you have a night to remember. While you can expect plenty of scintillating conversation and, if you play your cards right, perhaps a slow dance or two, we must remind our lucky winner that this evening will be rated PG for the safety of all involved.” At press time, the T. rex had been auctioned off to the same wealthy woman who last purchased a $5.1 million private concert by Picasso’s “The Old Guitarist.”