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Secret Service Closes White House Cocaine Probe Without Suspect

The Secret Service concluded its investigation into the small bag of cocaine found at the White House and has been unable to identify a suspect. What do you think?

James Wooley, Unemployed

“I bet they could’ve figured it out with 18 months of congressional hearings.”

James Wooley, Unemployed

Laura Cameron, Freelance Panelist

“I guess we’ll never know who in the White House was fun.”

Laura Cameron, Freelance Panelist

Austin Perez, Soil Scientist

“The perfect crime.”

Austin Perez, Soil Scientist