| Paul Newman, the last universally beloved man, died at the age of 83 after a private battle with lung cancer. He is survived by legions of partly or wholly unlikable human beings, who will invariably besmirch his memory by selling his likeness to a vacuum cleaner company. |
| Boris Fyodorov, 50, Russian politician and banker, died of a “stroke.” |
| Legendary film star Charlton Heston passed away in April at age 84. He is survived by five guns, 14 grand guns, and 11 great-grand guns. |
| Chess prodigy Bobby Fischer passed away in Rejykjavíak, Iceland after developing a new chess move that was so genius his brain exploded. |
| Mary Garber, an American sportswriter, passed away this September. She was 92. This only goes to prove that women know nothing about sports. |
| Game designer Gary Gygax died in his parents dungeon after a lengthy battle with a manticore. |
