Report: Of Course That Guy On College’s Alumni Committee Now

PHILADELPHIA—Noting his particular temperament and his ubiquitous presence in virtually all aspects of student leadership, members of the University of Pennsylvania’s class of 2015 said Tuesday that of course that guy is on the alumni committee now. “Sounds about right,” said Dan Tramell, 22, adding that if any of his roughly 2,500 classmates was going to volunteer for the position, it would naturally be that guy, who not only was student government president but also led the senior class gift campaign. “I mean, who else?” At press time, sources confirmed that—surprise, surprise—the guy had also submitted his recent job promotion to the alumni magazine’s “Announcements” section.