Report: Nuclear Arsenal Will Go Bad Unless Used By 2000

WASHINGTON, DC—A Defense Department report released Monday stated that the U.S. has barely a year and a half before its enormous stockpile of nuclear missiles goes bad. “Most of these weapons were manufactured in the mid-’70s with an expiration date of January 2000,” the report read. Reacting quickly to the findings, Pentagon officials are hard at work fomenting overseas discord in hopes of preventing government waste.