Report Finds Tobacco Industry Aware Of Harmful Effects Of Flicking Lit Cigarette Into Giant Trail Of Gasoline For Years

BETHESDA, MD—According to a new report released Friday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health, the tobacco industry knew about the harmful effects of flicking a lit cigarette into a giant trail of gasoline for years, but chose to remain quiet. “For decades, Big Tobacco knew that tossing just one lit cigarette a day onto a puddle of gasoline could cause massively averse health risks, yet they deliberately concealed that knowledge,” said report coauthor Gregory Cordova, who accused the industry of conspiring as early as 1959 to bury evidence that using their products to ignite a pool of gasoline, causing an entire city block to explode could be detrimental to consumers’ health. “Internal documents show the tobacco lobby funded their own studies attempting to prove that setting a pool of gas on fire with a cigarette was not only safe, but good for you. They even advertised to children, creating ads that depicted Joe Camel saying, “Sayonara, suckers!” while tossing a cigarette over his shoulder into a room doused in gasoline.” At press time, the National Institutes of Health were questioning how long the processed food industry had known that cyanide capsules could be dissolved in sugary soft drinks.