Report: Deepest, Sharpest Images Of Distant Universe Pale In Comparison To Lisa Frank Folder

WASHINGTON—A report published Tuesday after the release of the inaugural photographs from NASA’s James Webb Telescope found that the deepest, sharpest images of the universe still pale in comparison to a Lisa Frank folder. “While the Webb telescope’s imagery of nebulae and star clusters is technically impressive, it cannot begin to compare to Lisa Frank’s colorful folders, especially one with pink-and-purple dolphins forming a heart in front of a rainbow sunset,” read the report in part, emphasizing that when held up against high-definition infrared photographs shedding light on the farthest reaches of space, the Lisa Frank folder stands out for its adorable puppies and plentiful use of real glitter. “You would get bored staring at the Webb images after about five seconds, but you could look at the cuddly bunnies, fawns, and ducklings on the Lisa Frank folder forever. Plus, the unicorn is super cute.” The report concluded that there was also really no contest when measured in terms of which images would make you look cooler in front of your third-grade classmates.