Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking

WASHINGTON—According to a Gallup report published Tuesday, over 95 percent of the nation’s grandfathers began their careers by walking straight into a place of business, saying “I’m the man for the job,” and receiving a position right there on the spot. “I just went right up to the owner, looked him dead in the eye, and told him I was the person he was looking for,” said 78-year-old William Chambers, whose story was nearly identical to accounts given by thousands of other grandfathers interviewed for the report, each of whom emphasized that they placed both their hands firmly on the businessman’s desk, explained that they were “go-getters,” and concluded by saying that, if hired, they would be the hardest worker the company had ever seen. “Right away, the fellow told me he liked my gumption, and then we sealed it all with a handshake. I had that job until the day I retired.” Chambers added that, like two-thirds of the grandfathers surveyed, he also gave the pretty girl behind the counter a wink and—wouldn’t you know—50 years later they’re still together.