‘Remember, You Are Mortal,’ Advisor Says To Garland-Covered Water Reclamation Supervisor During Swearing-In Ceremony

ZANESVILLE, OH—Cautioning his superior lest he become intoxicated by power, advisor Greg Dawling reportedly urged newly appointed water reclamation supervisor Lee Frost to remember that he was mortal during the official’s elaborate swearing-in ceremony Friday. “Be not vain or foolish in your position—this earthly world is still but a passing thing,” Dawling reportedly whispered into Frost’s ear as trumpets sounded and a legion of treatment plant operators saluted behind them. “At long last, the forces of irrigation and aquifer recharge will be yours alone to command. But still, the subtle ways are best—hold your power close, and choose when and where to wield it for maximum effect. Remember, all that now stands between you and triumph is your own hubris.” At press time, a grimacing Dawling had withdrawn into the shadows as Frost vowed that the groundwater of Zanesville would run red with the blood of his enemies.