Red Sox Trade Aging Fenway Park To Yankees For Several Highly Touted Blueprints

BOSTON—As part of an ongoing rebuilding effort to make the team younger and cheaper, the Boston Red Sox reportedly announced Friday they were trading the aging Fenway Park to the New York Yankees for several highly touted blueprints. “While it’s never easy to say goodbye to a stadium that has served the team well over the course of its career, we’re really excited about the dynamic aesthetics and additional flexibility in ballpark construction these four up-and-coming architectural designs offer us,” said Red Sox chief baseball officer Chaim Bloom, explaining that the organization no longer saw the past-its-prime 111-year-old stadium as part of the team’s future plans. “We’re thrilled to welcome these new blueprints to the Red Sox organization, particularly the design for a domed park with a swooping outfield fence that we think offers us a chance to build a world-class modern stadium perfect for today’s faster and more analytical style of play. We want to thank Fenway Park for its contributions to the Red Sox organization and wish the Green Monster nothing but the best of luck serving as the Yankees’ left-field fence in Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre.” The blockbuster exchange of Fenway Park for the highly touted stadium blueprints reportedly isn’t the end of the Red Sox’s wheeling and dealing at the trade deadline, with MLB reporter Ken Rosenthal tweeting rumors that the team was close to finalizing a deal to send all of their Sam Adams beer supply to the Chicago Cubs for several hot dogs to be named later.