Realtor Suggests Old Victorian House Perfect Place To Murder Family

WILMINGTON, NC—Painting a picture of the future the prospective buyers might one day share if they purchased the home, real estate agent Marjorie Krauss reportedly suggested to a couple Tuesday that the old Victorian house she was showing them would be the perfect place to murder a family one day. “You’re both still young, of course, but it may not be too long before you’re ready to want your own family’s blood splattered across these walls,” said Krauss, adding that the long, winding hallways of the Gothic Revival home were great for chasing down one’s terrified spouse or children, who could then have their heads bashed into the original balustrade or be thrown down the ornate front staircase to bleed out in the foyer. “You could also finish the basement, which would give you a lot of extra square footage if you’re planning to have a large family gruesomely killed and dismembered. Just pick out the flooring you want and use it to conceal the remains of those you loved and cherished more than anything in this world before you were mysteriously overtaken by strange, demonic passions and went on a deadly rampage.” Krauss noted that she was obligated to mention the recurring cycle of murders that took place in the home every 13 years, but insisted that it just added to the charm of the place and that the couple could always carry on the old tradition while adding their own flair.