ATLANTA—Pulling ahead of Republican challenger Herschel Walker by nearly 60 percentage points, Sen. Raphael Warnock (D-GA) reportedly surged in the polls Monday after taking off his eyeglasses. “The majority of Georgia voters we surveyed were absolutely shocked, stating, ‘Him? That’s him? You’re telling me that Adonis of a senate candidate over there is Raphael Warnock? Are we talking about the same Raphael Warnock?’” said Quinnipiac University polling analyst Paul Minicus, who noted that the incumbent’s decision to remove his narrow, rectangular frames had, among other effects, led Democratic, Republican, and independent voters alike to crash their cars as they drove by him. “Eighty-one percent of those polled told us that when the senator took off his glasses it really opened up his face, allowing them to notice his beautiful eyes for the very first time, and 84 percent said he looked like a completely different person. With voters going to the polls tomorrow, this puts Warnock in a tough position, since he doesn’t want the votes of people who don’t like him for him.” At press time, reports confirmed Warnock had plunged in the polls after smiling to reveal a full set of braces.
