Psychotic Break Really Helping Man Come Out Of Shell

CHICAGO—Lauding the man for at last overcoming his inhibitions and opening up, sources confirmed Thursday that 36-year-old Gregory Ross’s psychotic break was really helping the former introvert come out of his shell. “He used to be a quiet guy, pretty much always kept to himself, but ever since he lost his fucking mind, Greg’s social anxiety basically cleared up,” said an anonymous source, who stated that Ross had begun meeting a ton of new people lately simply by screaming at the top of his lungs and sprinting through the street naked. “The new Greg is awesome. He used to never talk to strangers, but the other day I saw him bite a guy. Usually, I can barely get a hello out of him, but now he’s always going on and on about war bonds from Woodrow Wilson and what it’s like being Jesus.” At press time, a circle of coworkers at a party were cracking up and slapping Ross on the back after he announced that he was going to kill them all.