President Joe Biden urged Congress to pass a bipartisan bill that would give him executive power to shut down the border between the United States and Mexico. The Onion examines the pros and cons of closing our nation’s southern border and no longer allowing migrants to cross.
PRO
Finally a use for the miles of razor wire we’ve just got sitting around in our garage.
CON
Might actually have to examine our problems instead of blaming them on foreigners.
PRO
Protects American jobs from skilled workers.
CON
Only confirmed PokéStop for Raikou is located in south Tijuana.
PRO
Child labor renaissance.
CON
Mexico would still continue to exist.
PRO
Finally answers the will-they-won’t-they of American xenophobia.
CON
Marginally raises nation’s risk of inbreeding-related hemophilia.
PRO
Would immediately solve all of the country’s problems.
CON
The whole “antithetical to American values” thing.
