As more people use credit cards or apps instead of cash for payment, some businesses have gone cashless, and the move toward a cashless society has drawn support as well as criticism. The Onion weighs the pros and cons of transitioning to a cashless society.
PRO
Opens door to new and exciting hidden fees
Fun to tap things against other things
Offers hackers many more opportunities to access poorly secured financial data
No longer need to keep track of who George Washington and Abe Lincoln were
Innovative new way to punish poor people
CON
Adds paper trail to ongoing affairs
Waiting in line at ATM now purely recreational
Pennies taste good
Stupid chip reader thingy not fucking working
Still broke
