Associates of President Donald Trump being convicted or accused of crimes has led to speculation about whether any will receive presidential pardons, of which there have been thousands over the nation’s history. The Onion looks back at the most significant presidential pardons of all time.
1795:
George Washington issues the first presidential pardon to the members of the Whiskey Rebellion, setting an important precedent for caving to crybabies mad about paying taxes.
1868:
In a gesture toward national reconciliation, Andrew Johnson posthumously pardons Abraham Lincoln for waging a civil war in the United States.
1925:
Calvin Coolidge pardons jazz.
1974:
Gerald Ford pardons Richard Nixon, reasoning that holding a former president to the same legal standards as an ordinary citizen would be an unbearable trauma for the nation.
1989:
George H.W. Bush pardons convicted murderer and rapist Willie Horton in recognition of Horton’s invaluable service to his 1988 election campaign
1999:
Puerto Rican activist Elizam Escobar is pardoned by Bill Clinton after it was discovered that being Puerto Rican is not illegal.
2017:
On his final day in office, Barack Obama pardons the MQ-9 Reaper drone convicted of opening fire on a Syrian civilian aid convoy.
2017:
George W. Bush pardoned for war crimes committed in Iraq by Ellen DeGeneres.
2019:
Your bullshit DUI unjustly remains on your criminal record.
