Pragmatic Extremist Stresses Importance Of Assassinating Local Politicians

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Noting that it was possible to accomplish so much more at the city and state level, pragmatic extremist Eddie Jonson stressed the importance Monday of working to assassinate local politicians. “It’s easy to feel despondent about the way things are going in D.C., and it can seem impossible to make a difference, which is why it’s so crucial to focus your energy on killing public officials in your own community,” said Jonson, confirming that state senators, comptrollers, and even city council members wielded a surprising amount of power, such that even a couple mutilated corpses displayed in a town square could effect real change. “These politicians don’t have the resources or constituency to really defend themselves against a volley of bullets or a pipe bomb, and frankly, you only have to assassinate a few. That sends a message to the rest of those in office that voters are watching, and if they don’t behave the way we like, we can murder them, too.” Jonson added that citizens needed to start from the ground up if they ever wanted to fundamentally annihilate Washington.