Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Approve Of Child Labor Laws But Agree That Kids Carrying Briefcases Would Be Cute

WASHINGTON—Reflecting qualified support for legislation aimed at protecting minors, a Gallup poll released Wednesday found that while an overwhelming majority of Americans approve of child labor laws, most also said that kids carrying around briefcases would undeniably be cute. “When asked whether they support existing regulations that bar children under the age of 14 from employment, 94 percent of respondents agreed such laws were essential but also conceded that the idea of kids wearing oversize suits and holding make-believe business meetings would be just darling,” said lead researcher Michelle Valner, stressing that although Americans were almost unanimously tickled by the image of a giant boardroom table surrounded by kindergarteners whose tiny legs dangled from their too-big chairs, they remained steadfast in their support for laws that prevent them from being exploited. “Across all demographics, a 6-year-old taking the train to work with their little attaché case, taking off their tiny hat at the office, and pouring juice into their coffee mug would be the most precious thing ever if only we lived in a country with child labor, which nearly all those surveyed agreed was an abomination.” Valner went on to say that 71 percent of Americans, though grateful to live in a country where children were safeguarded, were hugely entertained by the thought of a little kid having to pack all of their action figures into a cardboard box after getting fired.