Patriot Honored To Be Lied To By His Country

NAPERVILLE, IL—Declaring his undying fealty and gratitude to the United States of America, local patriot Tyler Wardley told reporters Thursday that he was honored to be lied to by his country. “The lengths that the ruling class of this country go to trick me and my fellow everyday Americans, the sheer amount of falsehoods they grind into us, it’s really something to be proud of,” said Wardley, adding that regardless of race, creed, class, or gender, all Americans could celebrate living in a nation where there is so much time, money, and energy expended on their manipulation. “I don’t know how they do it in other countries, but in America there’s a massive, concerted effort to shield the truth about the way things actually are from people like me, and I am grateful that the little guy can inspire such an immense dedication to blatant dishonesty. From sea to shining sea, fabrications and distortions are the American way, and I just think we all ought to be really gratified that the government and financial elite are so resolutely dedicated to lying to us.” The American patriot noted that, like many of his countrymen, his patriotism went back generations, as his own grandfather died being lied to by this country.