Partygoer Vows To Fix Keg

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA–Insisting that calling the liquor store for assistance is “totally unnecessary,” University of Virginia sophomore and house-party attendee Josh Pelham heroically vowed to fix a broken keg himself Monday. “Everybody, just have the MGDs in the fridge for now–I’ll figure this out quick,” said Pelham, standing over the far-from-tapped keg. “My brother did this once with, like, a wrench. Is there a wrench around?” Over the course of the next hour, Pelham went on to request a coat hanger, kitchen knife, and crowbar.