Park Ranger Rescues Bear That Wandered Off The Trail

BONNERS FERRY, ID—Hailing the search-and-rescue mission a success, officials with the Idaho Department of Fish and Game confirmed Monday a park ranger had located and extracted a grizzly bear that had wandered off a hiking trail into dense and dangerous terrain. “It’s pretty easy to get turned around in these woods without a compass, so she hadn’t laid eyes on a human being for almost three days,” said local ranger Brian Hutchins, who explained that the 800-pound North American brown bear was last spotted rummaging around a campsite on Friday, sometime after which she is believed to have departed from the marked trail and roamed aimlessly across a 70-square-mile area. “That bear is lucky to be alive. She went out there with no food, no canteen, not even proper boots. From what we’ve been able to reconstruct, she was likely forced to forage for berries and catch fish from a nearby stream, which is where she was when I found her. She appeared to be lapping up what water she could—not surprising when you consider she ventured into the wilderness without adequate supplies. I’m just glad I reached her in time.” At press time, sources confirmed the bear had been safely returned to civilization, where she was seen eating contently from a dumpster outside a Pizza Hut.