Parents Group Demands School Acknowledge That They’re Angry And Not Very Smart

GODDARD, KS—Screaming at the top of their lungs as they confronted teachers, administrators, and the superintendent, a local parents group demanded Thursday that Whitman Elementary School acknowledge that they were angry and not very smart. “We, the parents of Whitman Elementary, order you to publicly admit that we are insane, enraged, and have absolutely no idea what we’re currently yelling about,” shouted 31-year-old Marisa Freidland, adding that the school had a legal responsibility to consider the fact that they also had way too much time on their hands and chose to spend it enacting the most mean-spirited, destructive motions possible. “Our demands are simple: Look us in the eye and, in front of everyone here, tell us to our faces that we’re so ignorant and blinded by rage that we already forgot what we came here to yell about. We know we’re mad about something we saw on the internet, but we’re too fucking stupid to even remember.” At press time, local parents had reportedly been escorted from the building by security only to storm back in to the meeting after remembering they were probably mad about some book.