After a number of high profile individuals claimed that transgender youth are too immature to make such a decision about their identity, The Onion asked parents to explain why gender-affirming care for kids is just a fad, and this is what they said.
Jack Yocum, Police Dispatcher
“This is just like when I replaced my penis with a Beanie Baby in the ’90s.”
Annie Eastman, Baker
“They’ll miss the suicidal, gender dysmorphic thoughts they had the second they get gender affirming surgery.”
Anthony Driscoll, Mechanic
“Genitals themselves are a fad, regardless of a person’s age or gender.”
Tia Thomas, Civil Engineer
“This is just like the cisgender craze all over again.”
Garrett Payne, School Counselor
“Wanting rights is a fad. Women wanted rights for a while and then they stopped, Black people wanted it a few years later and then it just kind of petered out. None of them want rights any more. These things come and go.”
Elizabeth Sharp, Social Worker
“Trust me, kids will do all kinds of crazy things for attention. Even kill themselves!”
Lola Sanchez, Chef
“In the grand scope of time, all is a fad. My life, yours. These fleeting concerns of joy and happiness, love and hatred. All will be dissolved in the great ocean of time’s passage.”
Roman Tuttle, Basketball Coach
“I swear, if my kids ever did anything that made them feel good about themselves, they’d be out on the streets.”
Leah Perez, Rehabilitation Counselor
“Trust me, eventually gender-affirming will be forgotten just like penicillin.”
Susan Hale, Interior Decorator
“Nothing screams fad like necessary and irreversible medical intervention to treat psychological, physical, and emotional trauma.”
Dustin Lang, Graphic Artist
“These kids just want to be cool by changing their gender and then being beaten to death for it.”
Nate Hill, Author
“Trust me, knowing who you are as a person will come and go just like frosted tips.”
Crystal Stewart, Executive Assistant
“Because I said so. Now go to your room, young lady.”
Angela Fellows, Real Estate Agent
“Kids shouldn’t have gender care, they should have jobs!”
Arnie Ray, Fabricator
“I just don’t think we should staple genitals from the national stockpile of loose genitals onto whatever kid asks. I think there needs to be a process before we staple the genitals on there. I worry that our national stockpile of loose genitals will get depleted and then China will eat us.”
Martin Field, Programmer
“We shouldn’t be sexualizing children anywhere except for on television, on concert stages, and in our churches.”
Paulina Smith, Collections Agent
“Young people these days all feel like they should assert an identity other than the one that’s been imposed onto them, it’s not realistic.”
Francis Sellers, Realtor
“Kids should at least have to wait to get gender affirming care until their mid-30s when their pocketbooks are fully developed.
Carson Bitner, Social Worker
“For kids it’s a fad, sure. But for super old people? It’s here to stay.”
Chares Purnell, Accountant
“Oh, me? I don’t know anything about any of that stuff, but I do think my uninformed opinion should shape the laws about it.”
Ted Glaser, Telemarketer
“What if a boy comes to you and says ‘I want three tits’? What do you do then? What if hundreds of boys swarm the local middle school screaming ‘We want three tits’ in unison for hours? Is that the kind of world we want to live in?”
