OFF! Unveils New Citronella Effigy To Protest Ruthless Mosquitoes

RACINE, WI—Debuting an instrument of dissent carved in the image of the widely condemned pest, insect repellent brand OFF! announced Thursday it would begin selling a new citronella effigy that customers could use to protest the ruthless attacks of mosquitoes. “For far too long, we have been subject to the tyranny of these vicious flying thugs as they fed on the blood of the innocent, but now you can give voice to your outrage by setting fire to our new triple-wick mosquito-shaped citronella effigies,” said OFF! spokesperson Justin Gill, indicating that the lemongrass-scented effigy could help consumers cast off the yoke of mosquito oppression and take control of the backyards, parks, roof decks, and nature trails in their communities. “Let the floral, citrus-like aroma of this effigy serve as a warning to all mosquitos that would dare attack you: They could be next.” Gill added that the effigy would provide a nonviolent alternative to the DEET cocktail, a crude incendiary device consisting of a lit rag jammed inside a can of OFF! and hurled in desperation at a swarm of mosquitoes.