Obama Weighs Options In Afghanistan

Pressure is mounting on President Obama to make a decision on the future of Afghanistan.

Here are the options currently being considered:

Not only learn the lessons of Vietnam, but apply them as well

Visit; act fascinated by their rugs

Remove every American soldier; see if fighting continues

Legalize gambling, as that’s worked well domestically

Thunderdome-style battle to the death between Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal and Afghanistan Taliban leader Mullah Omar

Call the Taliban pretending to be the Prophet Muhammad and tell them to stop ambushing American soldiers

Announce you’re raising troop levels by 15,000, then pull everybody out, then come back with a half million soldiers, in the process convincing al-Qaeda that you’re loco and not to be messed with

Arm and finance a group of religious fighters

Back the murderous drug-dealing warlord with the most government officials in his pocket