Following his State of the Union address, President Barack Obama has turned his attention to job creation. Here are some facets of his administration’s plan:
Everyone permitted one fake college degree per resumé
Phasing out second interviews so all three top candidates get hired
For one day a week, factories may adopt the wage and safety laws of a Southeast Asian country of the owner’s choice
Grants to youngsters who are gifted at mining
Government program to train unemployed factory workers to weld 500 joints a minute so they stay competitive with robots
Offer generous early retirement packages to workers who are extremely good at their jobs, thereby creating four to five new positions for incompetent morons
Obama to talk to nation’s brothers-in-law one at a time to see if they can make a little something happen at their big-time landscaping businesses
Upping education spending to help ensure that Americans’ English communication skills are on par with India’s and China’s by 2018
