Obama Announces Plan To Store Nation’s Extra Stuff In Large Plastic Crate

WASHINGTON—Noting that the container would reduce clutter and help keep the country organized, President Obama announced a plan Tuesday to store the nation’s extra stuff in a large plastic crate. “I urge any American citizen who has too many things lying around their home to just give me the possessions they don’t need right now and I’ll keep them in this big plastic crate,” said Obama, calling on all 320 million Americans to send him any unused desk lamps, old sports equipment, or throw blankets that are taking up too much space or making a mess of their place. “I’ve already written ‘Nation’s Stuff’ on a piece of masking tape on the side of the crate, and I’ll keep it on a shelf in the White House basement, so you’ll know where your things are if you ever need them again. Also, the crate has a secure lid that will keep out moisture and protect your items from any water damage, so no need to worry about that.” Obama concluded his remarks by announcing a related plan to take any items the U.S. populace no longer wanted and put them into a large trash bag that he’ll drop off at Goodwill.