With the state banning abortions at all stages of pregnancy, The Onion asked several obstetricians and gynecologists what it is like working in Texas, and this is what they said.
Dr. Carlos Ortega
“I can’t complain. There’s a law against complaining.”
Dr. Ian Stone
“It’s hard, but it’s worth it when you see a baby in the loving arms of its mother and her rapist.”
Dr. Frances Wilson
“Once you get past the ignorant state officials, the terrified patients, the draconian restrictions, and the persistent threat of having your clinic shut down for arbitrary reasons, it’s actually still pretty awful.”
Dr. Danielle LaCoste
“It doesn’t get that cold here, so at least there’s that.”
Dr. Monique Bileaudo
“The sniper pointing his rifle at me is a little distracting.”
Dr. Tamika Samuels
“It’s not so bad once you get used to the fact that the state officially hates you and all your patients.”
Dr. Matthew Fredericks
“I feel like I have no choice but to leave Texas, even though I’ve still got a lot more rootin’ and tootin’ to do.”
Dr. Nicole Farrell
“It forces you to confront the darker, less attractive parts of incest.”
Dr. Cody Lang
“I fear for my life every single day. Great barbecue, though.”
Dr. Wyatt Connolly
“The constant threat of criminal prosecution jazzes up what would otherwise be a very dull field.”
Dr. June Keller
“My cellmate snores.”
Dr. Wendy Pokorski
“It’s heartbreaking, but sometimes we order Tex-Mex for lunch.”
Dr. Carol Best
“Through a technicality, I’m able to legally perform all procedures as long as it’s on a casino cruise.”
Governor Greg Abbott
“I mean, yeah, I guess I’m basically an ob-gyn at this point given the laws we’ve been passing.”
Dr. Nancy Mayr
“As a physician who’s never particularly cared about my patients’ welfare, I’m doing just fine.”
Dr. Stephanie Sprout
“I imagine it’s similar to any doctor working anyplace where doing their normal job for the benefit of their patient could ultimately result in a felony conviction and being sentenced to life in prison.”
Dr. Katy Tishenko
“It’s difficult to communicate with patients now that it’s a felony to say ‘vagina.’”
Dr. Allie Clayton
“At least I’m not a teacher.”
