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Report: Rising Number Of Weak, Emasculated Men Working As Stay-At-Home Dads
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Nation Terrified After Millions Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours Last Night
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Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat
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Laid-Off Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance
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‘And Yet, Is Not Beef Itself An Expression Of Wanton Lust?’ Bizarre New McDonald’s Ad Asks
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Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They’re Bitable
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Centers For Disease Contraction Urges Americans To Suck Doorknob
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Chipmunk’s Plan For Future Better Crafted Than That Of 8 Out Of 10 Americans
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Hostages Freed After Tense 7-Minute Standup Set
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Study: Average Person Becomes Unhinged Psychotic When Alone In Own House
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Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels
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Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times

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