Newly Upgraded Tesla AI Makes Fart Noise Any Time It Runs Over Child

FREMONT, CA—Touting the hidden feature’s ability to make hands-free driving even more fun, a newly upgraded Tesla AI released Wednesday reportedly makes a fart noise any time it runs over a child. “Starting today, all Tesla users will be able to go to their car’s toy chest and unlock a cool feature that will let a big, fat one rip whenever your car slams into a kid,” said Tesla CEO Elon Musk, who added that the upgrade, which featured several different types of farts including short, high-pitched ones; loud, short ones; and long, wet ones, would calibrate depending on what the size of child is hit, and at what speed. “Just click the symbol that totally looks like a butt, drive by a school, and voila, instant fun. If you hit a fat one? Big fart. If you hit a small one? Tiny fart. Also, if you run over a pretty lady, the car will automatically honk and make an ‘awooga’ noise. L-M-F-A-O.” At press time, FCC announced it had investigated the upgrade after several videos showed the cars emitting high-volume fart noises and careening wildly into trees before exploding.