New Tesla ‘Memories’ Feature Displays Pictures From Driver’s Life On Dashboard Before Car Explodes

AUSTIN, TX—Touting the feature as the perfect way to enjoy one’s fondest moments in the seconds before a fiery death, automaker Tesla rolled out an update Wednesday that displays pictures from the driver’s life on their dashboard just before the car explodes. “Our new Memories feature is our little way of thanking loyal customers who want one last glimpse at the wonder of their time spent in a Model 3 before a spontaneous battery fire reduces them to a pile of charred flesh and molten bone,” said Tesla spokesperson Greg Taylor, describing the slideshow of photos set to Green Day’s “Good Riddance” as a trip down memory lane that will span everything from their first moment firing up the car’s self-driving mode to what their face looks mere instant before 2,000-degree-Celsius explosion sears the skin from their skull. “As soon as the car senses that its navigation systems have accidentally sent it careening into oncoming traffic, the slideshow will immediately kick in and give you an amazing send-off from the mortal plane. We’re even throwing in some photos of Elon for true Tesla diehards.” Taylor added that the update will also include a new Tesla Wrapped feature that replays footage of all the year’s head-on collisions and near-miss traffic fatalities caused by autopilot.