New Study Finds Best Sunscreen Is Layer Of Human Blood

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Monday by the Environmental Working Group, the best defense against the harmful effects of the sun’s rays is a thick coating of human blood. “We found that a generous application of human blood blocks 98 percent more UVA and UVB rays than standard SPF 30 sunscreen lotions,” said researcher Dr. Carl Lapkins, adding that while pig and chicken blood can mildly decrease the risk of skin cancer, human blood ultimately offers the most effective form of protection. “An additional layer of fresh blood should be applied for each hour spent outdoors, especially if you’re swimming. Infants, who are more vulnerable to sun exposure, should be completely submerged in a bucket of blood before going outside, and re-dunked frequently.” Lapkins added that to avoid missing a spot, one should ask for a friend’s help when spreading blood on hard-to-reach areas.