Following a spate of high-profile domestic violence cases involving the likes of Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson, the NFL officially ratified a new personal conduct policy this week for all players and league employees. Here are some notable rules in the updated guidelines:
League to now use independent investigators to provide them with evidence to discard
Any domestic violence incident must be personally authorized by Roger Goodell at least 24 hours before the battery is to take place
Sexual assault and child abuse violations result in automatic six-game suspension, a stiff penalty that encourages players to commit crimes early in the year and be back in time for the playoffs
Teams required to report all conduct violations with same level of integrity used in their injury reports
Three to four cases to be adjudicated in London each year
Team owners subject to same standards of conduct as any other incredibly wealthy white businessman in America
All bets are off for Richard Sherman, who, should he ever mess up, is going down really fucking hard
18-game regular season in 2015
Updated list of adjectives Roger Goodell can use to describe the NFL’s governance of personal conduct issues, including “comprehensive,” “thorough,” and “tough”
Implicit understanding that this is all bullshit
