New Poll Finds Most Americans See Biden As Too Old To Effectively Lead Conga Line

WASHINGTON—In a troubling sign for the incumbent president, a new poll released Monday by the Pew Research Center found that most Americans see President Joe Biden, 80, as too old to effectively lead a conga line. “Our data indicated that among both registered and unregistered voters, Americans overwhelmingly believe Biden is far too old to successfully shake his body to the island rhythm or party to the break of day,” said researcher Diana Everston, explaining that well over 50% of respondents didn’t believe that Biden had the mental or physical wherewithal to adequately cha-cha with the drum beat in the way the country needed. “When asked to choose between Biden and a generic Democratic candidate in their mid-50s, surveyed respondents repeatedly said they would rather anyone else guide a conga line around the dance floor. Most also don’t believe that Vice President Kamala Harris is the right person to take over the conga line should anything happen to Biden.” At press time, a majority of Americans also told pollsters that they were concerned about how low Biden could go if the conga line encountered an unexpected limbo bar.