New ‘BroSludge’ Company Markets Orange Guck For Men

CHICAGO—Touting its trendy, male-centric healthcare product, a new company called “BroSludge” debuted a marketing campaign Wednesday advertising orange guck for men. “When men need to rock and roll and hit the town, there’s nothing like ‘BroSludge’ to give you the guck you need,” said CEO Brandon Blake, who appeared in the commercial and explained that “BroSludge” was a goopy, putty-like substance for men to rub all over their genitals, but did not specify what the product functionally does. “Trust us, this isn’t like your girlfriend’s orange goo—it’s extreme ooze for extreme dudes. ‘BroSludge’ can be rubbed all over your dick, balls, asshole, taint, your balls a second time, and even your elbows. The ladies are all clamoring for a man covered in gloop.” The ad went on to specify that using “BroSludge” would stop men from ever being able to achieve erections again.