Nancy Pelosi Assures China Taiwan Visit Part Of Bachelorette Party She Didn’t Plan

TAIPEI—Responding to widespread condemnation of the trip from Chinese officials, U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi issued an assurance Tuesday that her visit to Taiwan was simply part of a bachelorette party she didn’t plan. “Believe me, I would have loved to stay in the States and do something simple like get a cabin in the Smoky Mountains, but the other bridesmaids really thought what Jenna would want is a girl’s weekend in Taipei,” said Pelosi, who expressed deep annoyance at the high cost of airfare and exhausting itinerary for the bachelorette trip and noted that she didn’t feel comfortable bringing up Taiwan’s status as a contested territory because she didn’t want to butt heads with the bride’s high school friends. “It was one of those stupid email chains with everyone randomly calling out different places, which we eventually whittled down to Nashville, Vegas, or this. But we ultimately went with Taiwan because the maid of honor found a zip-lining Groupon in the area. Whatever. It is what it is.” At press time, Pelosi added that she was also not particularly happy about the betrothed couple’s destination wedding in Pyongyang.