MTA Returns Rider’s $2.75 Fare After Unsatisfactory Subway Experience

NEW YORK—In a heartfelt and thorough public apology, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority announced Monday that they had returned a rider’s $2.75 fare after the man reported an unsatisfactory subway experience. “Early this morning, we received word that a passenger on the Q train experienced a ride that did not meet the high expectations the MTA holds for ourselves—we’d like to announce that we’ve since issued that customer a full refund,” said CEO Janno Lieber, who promised that the MTA was reviewing their procedures and would take every step moving forward to ensure that the experience did not repeat itself. “This is not the MTA we strive to represent, and the fact that trash was under this customer’s seat is absolutely inexcusable. We are equally disturbed by reports that this customer had to stand on the platform for an additional 10 minutes while the train was late this morning, and will be launching a full-scale investigation in response. We are so sorry, and as a token of our appreciation for his continued loyalty, we’d like to offer this customer the next 10 rides on us.” At press time, Lieber added that in the future, he hoped the MTA customer would be able to masturbate on the train in peace.