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Kim Kardashian
“Is it time for us to fight now or are we waiting until after the crew takes lunch?”
Khloé Kardashian
“Yeah, I don’t really give a shit about me either.”
Kris Jenner
“Kourtney is the youngest, and then Khloé and Kim grew off the side of her leg like mushrooms.”
Kylie Jenner
“Despite being on the air for 14 years, I still have a hard time telling me and my sisters apart.”
Andy Cohen
“God, I was going to be a journalist. What happened?”
Kris Jenner
“They were going to kill off Kendall in season three, but in the end I think we’re all glad they didn’t.”
Kylie Jenner
“I made the majority of my fortune from my landscaping business, Kylie’s Garden Solutions. All the other stuff I treat as my side gig.”
Rob Kardashian
“Kendall? Kylie? I’m your dad.”
Kendall Jenner
“Say what you will, but I still believe Pepsi can solve police brutality.”
Kim Kardashian
“As proud Armenians, we shall rise up and vanquish our Turkish oppressors one day.”
Kourtney Kardashian
“I am Khloé, actually. They mixed us up in the first episode and after a while it was too embarrassing to correct them, so we just went with it.”
Kris Jenner
“At the end of the day, the most important thing will always be our family phone plan with unlimited data and messaging.”
Khloé Kardashian
“I guess if I’m honest, I’m still angry that Kourtney attempted to hold on to some infinitesimal shred of privacy.”
Kendall Jenner
“I’ve always wanted to do a modeling shoot for Chef Boyardee. I’ve tried to reach out dozens of times, but they keep saying they’re not interested.”
Kris Jenner
“I will outlive every single one of you human cockroaches, so help me God.”
Kendall Jenner
“I wish I could have been in the car with Caitlyn when she killed that guy. It would have been so dramatic.”
Kourtney Kardashian
“Kanye can be difficult but also a lot of fun as a brother-in-law. One time, he hid in the bathroom and surprised me by spraying me with a Super Soaker filled with human blood.”
Kendall Jenner
“Wait, my last name isn’t Kardashian?”
Klorf Kardashian
“Klorf!”
Kim Kardashian
“In November of 1971, I boarded a Boeing 727 aircraft bound for Seattle, wherein, shortly after takeoff, I handed a note to the stewardess informing her that I had a bomb and demanded $200,000, four parachutes, and a fuel truck standing by in Seattle. Once my demands had been met, I parachuted from the back of the plane and landed safely in a wooded area outside of Reno.”
Kris Jenner
“When I go to the hairdresser, I always bring along a picture of Saddam Hussein for reference.”
Kim Kardashian
“I would say my biggest mistake was killing Nicole Brown Simpson. I’ll always feel bad that O.J. took the fall for me.”
Kris Jenner
“I will always be their momager. For instance, I have the exact dates and times everyone will die.”
